Uncertainty

I want to like what I do. I want to do something significant. Not to be recognized, but to have a genuine interest for the career itself. I do know why people are telling me to apply to graduate school. The economy is going down, layoffs are everywhere, and jobs are scarce.

I'm struggling with knowing that I should be doing something about this situation but yet, I don't know if I should do what people want instead of what I want. Quite honestly, I want to work, even if it is a small little job for the time being. It would definitely get my mind out of the not knowing what to do at the moment. Something just for the sake of a normal routine, until I can find a job where I can actually learn a lot more about engineering and management.

I am stuck in a rut. Graduate school applications are already over for the upcoming fall season, and if I were to apply, I would have to wait until after October to find out if I can go take Graduate classes in the next spring. Even then, I do not think I want to take Graduate courses yet. From all the people I have spoken with, it seems that it is much more beneficial to see how things are done in the real world before just studying concepts. It would make learning more meaningful. Or so I'm told.

And the thing that is killing me, I haven't really thought of God and how my life should be focused around him. I have only been thinking of my own classes and my own schedule. I just feel so greedy and selfish right now like I know what I will be doing already. But at the same time, I have no idea what I will be doing.

Sometimes, I feel like the things I learn in the classroom is useless until I actually know what it is for. I am rather forgetful person. Not to say that I don't want to learn, I just have trouble remembering things that I have learned if I do not apply things. Like AutoCAD. This term, I had an architectural engineering course and it involved some drawings. It felt awkward trying to use it again, but after the first week, it was like I was pro at it again. Haha.

My college years are coming to an end. I made some good friends but in the end, I have to say that my college experience at WPI was horrible. It was partially my fault as well and my freshman year, I was pushed to live in a house. But I think that God has something in store for me and he probably did this for a reason, even though I am still not sure why.