Who am I kidding.

I've been playing a game called Rappelz for awhile now. Started back in... sophmore year? It's one of those MMORPG games where you play with a lot of other people online. I liked it.. and I think I'm still addicted to it. So much so that people that I meet in that game are becoming.. more real than people I actually know, which I find really weird. Like I've started conversing on MSN even.

Can friendships and relationships with people through a game actually last though? Like.. at any moment, I can just disappear from the game and even MSN. But at school, I can't do that. I am still there. And so as I seem like I am disconnecting myself from real life... it just doesn't seem so right, but I continue to do it. Man.. I think I can see how people get so sucked into internet gaming, especially as I used to make fun of those who are addicted to WoW.

But the funny thing is that I think I've begun to become friends with this one person. And I haven't even seen this other person before. I.. just don't know why I seem to always want to talk to this person... but in real life, I don't talk to anyone else about things as much. And I think I'm just afraid... but it does not show my shy side, which is very much me.

And all this happens while I am at school. When I go back home for the summer, it's like... everything is reversed. My online gaming is put down and my real life friends... just reappear? So.. if I am spending more time with my online friends than my real friends... then how real are my real friends? I think I'm just too blind to see it all.

I think I just need to figure out the balance of healthy living in the real and online world... and see if these feelings of mine might actually be... real.